It's Okay to Care More

I’m always the one that cares more.
Seriously, always.
And you know what, I think I’m finally okay with that.

The thing is, somebody always has to care more. It’s just the way things work. Without that extra little push of affection, nothing would ever get done. Nobody would ever get asked out, nobody would ever get married, hell, nobody would even get divorced. We would all just be stuck in one slow indifferent trudge towards death. Which, yeah, does sound lovely, doesn’t it?
If you ask me (and you obviously did ask), indifference is pretty much the worst thing. There’s nothing passionate there. There’s nothing alive. It is just nothing. And that sounds really damn boring, IMHO.

So instead, I care.
I care way too much.
And it has hurt me about a billion times over.

Caring more always leaves me feeling like some sort of desperate, pathetic loser (ahem). I feel like I need to justify myself, feel the need to justify my entire existence. It makes me want to stand on some mountain somewhere and shake some boy’s shoulders and say, “Hey, look at me! I like you! I like you a lot! And I am a normal, nice, semi-funny girl whose hair looks pretty good today! Please notice me! I am right here.”
And when you look at it that way, when you really break it down, I guess it is kind of pathetic. In my life, I have been so desperate for someone to feel as jazzed about me as I am about them that I have lost sight of what actually matters. I comb through all the reasons why they just aren’t feeling the same. I muddle through all of the ways I can make them see the light. And then, I decide I’m going to care less. Because caring less means hurting less, right?

Well, okay–yeah, probably.
But it also means feeling less.
And that’s not really something I’m prepared to do.

Look, acting like you don’t care makes you feel all Rico Suave cool. I get it. I don’t care so I can’t get hurt. I don’t care so I’m a mystery. I don’t care so somebody else has to. But, in truth, that’s a cop-out. In truth, that doesn’t even begin to hold a candle to the way it feels when you do care, when you meet somebody you are so excited about you can actually feel it right down in your toes. We all deserve someone we can be crazy about, someone who we wake up thinking about, someone who lights up our whole damn day, someone who gets us all weird and goofy and stupid in all the best ways. Feeling that way is exhilarating.
Feeling that way is sort of the best.

The thing to remember (and it is a hard thing to remember), is that our feelings belong to us. Our feelings are ours to give. So give them! If you feel them, feel them. If you feel them, give them. It’s up to you to decide where to place your care and you shouldn’t stop yourself from feeling the way you do solely because you’re afraid you’re going to look the worser. It’s up to you to decide where to invest yourself. And hey, sometimes investments can turn out to be really shitty. But it doesn’t mean, it never means, they weren’t worth a shot. You’re going to get burnt (time and time and time again–believe me) but you’re also going to get to live your life with a sense of certainty and purposefulness that is seriously badass.

The world doesn’t need any more indifferent people–it’s got plenty. Have passion and go out there and use it all up. Get spent, get bruised, get pushed around, and feel it all. Go out into the world with the certainty that you gave it everything you had and didn’t hold a single thing back. Let go of your should-haves, say goodbye to your maybes. Because it’s an infinitely more fulfilling way to live than the alternative, I promise.

 Yeah, sometimes you’re going to end up looking a little stupid.
And sometimes you’re going to end up getting a little hurt.
But hey, that’s life.
And you shouldn’t want to live it any other way.